I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
