I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I cut my penus on the lid.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
