we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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