her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
