Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
