tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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