Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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