This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
