i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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