Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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