i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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