So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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