he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
