I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
