Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
