$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
