You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
