We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
