Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
