Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
