____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize