I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
