and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
