New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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