This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my being single is dangerous.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is Oprah even human
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
