It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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