she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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