a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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