if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
