sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You can't special order awesome
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
