This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
