thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
