clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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