Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
