Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
