just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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