haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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