if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
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No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
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Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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