He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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