Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You smell like stripper and shame
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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