I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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