just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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