but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
