Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
