I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
