Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize