I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
