Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
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The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
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I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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