Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
