Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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