Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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