listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
