honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
