I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
