Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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