1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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