So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
