O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
