you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
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The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
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This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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