Where did you get a picture of my penis
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
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It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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