I think I died a long time ago.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
