Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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