Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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