I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
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It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
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Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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