one might say we're banned from that church
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
