she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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