I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
