Yo dont text me then not text me
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize