I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
