mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
That accounts for only three of the penises
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
