i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
