I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
