sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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