i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
