I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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