He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Drunk is a universal language darling
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
