I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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