I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
