What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
this boner is exhausting
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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