I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
