do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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