This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
