I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
